What's gone is gone. What's past is past. It's time to change direction and find new roads to travel. This is not to say that I've cut off ties with people, just changing my vision, expanding the horizons, meeting new people to work with, make friends with. Around July of 2009 I started developing symptoms of a major illness. As the weeks went by I became very ill and needed to seek treatment. It's taken me this long to get back on my feet again. But during that time (and I'm still going through it...lessons, I mean) the school of life began teaching me what it means to really, truly LIVE!
My passions changed. My focus changed. Areas I thought were important took a back seat. My spiritual life moved me to a new direction and I'm traveling it with gusto. I love my life and where it's going. I had to cut off areas that no longer served me, in order to branch out into areas that helped me see further than I ever have before. But...one thing called me back. My passion for writing and M/M Romance. While I was being treated, my desire to pursue this path became numb. I was too sick to care anymore. I put aside everything. All I cared about was fighting to live. I am heading into becoming better now, and my desire for this area of my life has also returned with a gusto. I learned from my past mistakes and am ready to move forward, not letting go the friends I made before getting sick, but changing my direction.
I am making new friends on FB, seeking out areas of publishing I never allowed myself to investigate before. Short stories. I really want to try my hand with that. Who ever said I had to only write novels? I did. Well, that attitude has changed along with attitudes regarding many other things. This battle was uphill, and I'm clearing the top, and the vistas around me are as far as my eyes can see and then some. I have classes coming in the Fall, classes for Science of Mind, learning how to become a practitioner. And then? Learning to become a minister for SoM. I want that...and I want to get my stories out there. I'm seeing beyond where I was yesterday, to dreams of many tomorrows.
Fellow authors out there are helping me, giving me wonderful and thrilling adventures. Mary Calmes, Lynn Lorenz, Andrew Grey, John Simpson, J.L. Langley, Ally Blue, SJD Peterson, Sue Brown, Carol Lynne,...oh my word...the list can go on and on. You authors who write in all areas of M/M Romance -- Historical, Fantasy, Contemporary, Paranormal, do you know what you have done for me? Do you know that your worlds have sent my mind soaring? My heart flying? My brain hurling outside of its inhibited box? Heck, I may even dabble in researching and reading some BDSM for the hell of it, simply because living and experiencing and learning is what life is all about. I don't *understand* BDSM, but I'm beginning to. When I read about DOM/Sub, I used to cringe away from even the slightest hint of that happening in a story. Now? I choose to learn because it doesn't have to be *bad*.
Getting sick was the best thing that ever happened to me. I've learned to grow and seek out what living is really about.
I went to a Beatles cover band concert the other night. I am telling you, the people around me were kicking up their heels, dancing...LIVING...and we had the most wonderful time!! I came up with an idea for a short story right then and there. THAT is what taking the world by the horns and saying: 'Dance with me' is all about.
I remember one time, while I was searching out who the Goddess really is, I went into a deep meditation and in my mind's eye I saw her come to me, holding out her hands and she said, "Where have you been? I've been waiting for you." And her hands were held in such a way that she wanted to dance with me. I didn't understand that vision...not until a few nights ago. A new friend I found on Facebook shared with me a blast from my past with old music and I remembered back to when I was a child and that music had been such a part of my life. The Partridge Family. I was so joy-filled I went to upload one of those albums to my MP3 player and remembering those songs, singing to them...what a rush. Joy, life, living, experiencing...and from that we can bring joy to others.
I'm moving forward. Doc has not (yet) given me a clean bill of health, but it's only a matter of time. I'm already believing that my life has turned around...because it has. My Science of Mind spiritual leader this last Sunday said: "Don't let the past inhibit you...and don't let the future scare you. Where do you want to be in 6 months? In 3 months? If you're sick do you already know you are healed? The Master Teacher Jesus knew this, that is why he could heal. He KNEW it!!" I *KNOW* it!!
My life has a reason. And I'm pursuing my passions. Both in writing and in spirit.
Tell me your story. And...where do YOU want to be in 3 months? What goals do you have for yourself? Go for them: "Don't let the past inhibit you...and don't let the future scare you." The Past is Prologue, get to writing your life chapters!